Huge Update Part 1.
God, I’ve been busy. Since last time I wrote, I finished my first year of Sixth Form College, finished two shows, failed my first Driving Test and finally got a holiday (no matter how short.) So a bit of an update is due, I suppose. I won’t talk about everything, ’cause that would be boring, but I’ll try to cover the main parts.
School
It’s been a busy and difficult year. I didn’t think it could get any harder after GCSEs, but it definitely did. Apparently the jump between AS-Level and A-Level is even bigger than the jump between GCSE and AS-Level. So yeh, I’m terrified about going back to school. To make me feel even worse, results day is quickly approaching (next Thursday) and the closer we get, the less sure I feel about how well I did. I’ve already accepted that I’ve failed Physics – no matter how hard I tried that was inevitable. I’m not even going to resit it until I pass, I’m just accepting whatever grade I get on Thursday and am going to leave it at that. It’ll be a black mark that I’ll just have to bear for the rest of my life. But oh well, I can’t change it anymore.
I think I’ve done marginally better in my other subjects – I actually tried in my other subjects, which helps substantially. But also, they’re more opinion based than fact based, so as long as you can back up what you think with facts it’s a lot easier to do well. Anyway, Thursday will reveal all, and we’ll see how many exams I’ll be re-sitting in January…Except I’m not in the country on Thursday, so that’ll be interesting. My parents have to go and get my results for me and read them down the phone to me. That way I’ve got a 12 hour flight to cry about it, and they’ve got 10 days before they see me again to get over it and stop being so angry.
Les Miserables
This was the first show I did since my last update, and the only one I’ve actually acted in this year. I played Cosette – my first principal part (even if it was quite a small principal part – I’m not really sure it counts.) It was such an amazing experience. I shared the role with another girl in my drama group, so we both did two performances as Cosette and two as a Chorus member. This helped me a lot, because it meant when I went on stage as Cosette for the first time, I’d already been on stage as a beggar and a prostitute earlier in the day, so I’d already gotten rid of my nerves.
The whole weekend was a bit of a emotional rollercoaster. I started off absolutely terrified, then ecstatic and slightly embarrased (caused mostly by the lovely comments from both audience members and people working on the show about my singing) and then devastated that such a great experience was coming to an end. I spent the whole of the last show in tears, both on stage and off. Although I also think that was because I was only a chorus member in those shows, so it was slightly anti-climatic. The person playing Eponine for my shows felt exactly the same – straight after one of the chorus songs we both went down to the dressing room and cried on each other’s shoulders until we’d calmed down enough to go back on stage.
But most of all, I think it was because of this: Just before we did the show, I thought I’d sorted my life out. I was going to go to Uni, study Stage Management and then go into Stage Management as a career. I’ve spent years trying to find something I enjoy enough to do as a career, and I thought I’d finally found it – and then Les Mis happened. And I realised just how much I love singing, and how much I love being up on stage acting (no matter how bad I am at it.) And people kept commenting on how good I was, and it made me start doubting everything I had decided on.
What made it even worse was that the sound technician for Les Mis runs my Stage Management workshops at my other drama group. The next time I saw her, I was talking to one of my friends about my career crisis, and she overheard and said “But the problem is that you’re bloody good at it.” She then went on to say that she’d assumed I was there helping backstage, and then she saw me on stage and couldn’t believe that it was actually me – she couldn’t see why I’d want to work backstage when I was capable of singing how I can.
So yeh, I haven’t really gotten over this crisis yet, but I’m still sticking to my Stage Management plan for now. We’ll see where it leads.
Part 2. will come tomorrow…probably.
Filed under: Singing, school, theatre | Leave a Comment
Tags: acting, big update, les mis, performances, school, Singing, theatre, update
Disability
Filling in my UCAS form to apply for Universities has thrown up an old question for me: Am I disabled?
As I’ve said before Here I have a condition called Hypermobility Syndrome. Most of the symptoms are explained there, but for those that are too lazy, it essentially results in chronic pain in my joints. There is no cure, and the only thing I’ve been recommended is painkillers, which after a while just don’t cut it anymore. It’s an invisible condition (bar the limping and winces,) so you’d never guess there was something wrong with me. I don’t appear to be disabled, but according to the definition. “a physical…impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities,” I am.
I can’t do large amounts of exercise or walking without substantial amounts of pain.
I can’t write for more than five minutes without having to stop, or risk having a painful wrist for days (a real pain in exams.)
I spend nights lying awake because I can’t find a comfortable position.
So why don’t I see myself as disabled? I clearly am, or close to it. Is it because I don’t fit into the stereotypical idea of a disabled person? – I can walk, I can see, I can hear. All my life I was told this is what disabled is, only to have my view completely changed at the age of 14 when I was told the pain would never stop. This is what everyone is told – My drama group are currently putting together a TIE piece about discrimination, and for the scenes about disability it was all ideas like “Let’s have a bloke in a wheelchair” or “Let’s blindfold someone.” Nothing about the disabled people who are forgotten about, because no one knows that they are. Is this society-wide view the reason why I am reluctant to call myself disabled? Even my parents are – to them I’m “physically handicapped” at a push, but never disabled.
Or is the reason I’m reluctant to call myself disabled because I don’t allow myself to be? Sure, I’ve cut back on exercise (but there wasn’t much to cut back on anyway) and I’m careful to not overdo it, but other than that, I haven’t let this thing control me. I haven’t stopped anything. Why should I? I’m still the person I was who went into that Doctor’s office before the diagnosis – I didn’t come out a changed person. I just went back to school and carried on. Because I had to? I dunno, I’ve never been able to handle news well, maybe I was just denying it to myself.
But where does this leave me? If I don’t put myself down as disabled, I’m saying goodbye to any help that I might need down the line, and if it does become a problem, they’ll accuse me of putting false information on my form. Whereas if I put down that I am, how will that change people’s perceptions of me? Will it just be setting me up for three years of “But you don’t look disabled”? Or will it mean I get some well needed support? My friend’s pointed out that if I do put it down I get accommodation priority + DSA. But do I want that? Or do I want to be treated like everyone else?
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Tags: disability, HMS, no point, one big rhetorical question, ramble, Uni
I’m so weird
Just had to phone my doctor again and wrote out word for word what I was going to say on the phone.
I really need to get over this phobia of speaking to people on the phone.
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Okay, I swear I’ve said this before, but I do actually mean it this time.
I’m doing a lot less things than I have been now. I’m still busy, and still shouldn’t be giving over my time to blogging, but I’m going to as an outlet ’cause I feel I need to, although at the moment my problem is mostly with certain people driving me completely mental (can’t you just get over it and try to be nice to me?) so I may struggle to find anything to write about. But I am going to try! At least 100 words a week, even if it’s just about what I did in the day. It’s good for me anyway, ’cause it helps me get my thoughts straight and I don’t panic about them as much as I do before hand.
Ugh, rambling.
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Jamie Campbell Bower
I met Jamie Campbell Bower on Wednesday 
I’d gone to the theatre to watch Quadrophenia (which is amazing, if you get a chance, go and see it) and he was there too. After finally convincing my Dad it was actually him, I went over and asked him for his autograph. Felt a bit rude going over and interrupting his evening, but he didn’t seem too annoyed about it (but maybe I’m just really bad at reading people.)
And that was the most boring tale of one of the most exciting things that has happened to me. Woot.
I will start posting more important things eventually. Still very busy.
PS. Jamie Campbell Bower was Anthony in Sweeney Todd, and is going to be Caius in New Moon (eck) and Gellert Grindelwald in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
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I Hate the Doctors
Well..hate is a strong word. I guess really really dislike is better.
I’ve got to go and see my doctor again (should have gone ages ago really,) so I phoned up this morning. They obviously know how thick some people can be in my village, since the automated message starts “If you are phoning about an emergency, please hang up and phone 999.” Surely tracking down the Doctor’s number and dialing it takes longer than doing that, so you’d just do that anyway? But anyway, that’s besides the point. It then tells you to phone after 11 for test results, and then gives you three options. All three of these options put you through to the same annoying woman, who has no idea what option you picked. Helpful, no? (Oh, and if you don’t press an option, it puts you through to that woman.)
Anyway, I phoned up first thing and finally got through:
“Hello, ______ Practice, how can I help?”
“Hi there, I’d like to make an appointment please?”
Complete silence from her.
“I don’t know who I need to see though, I was with Dr. Smith, but she’s left now.”
More silence, then:
“Can I take a name please?”
“Zosie”
“And an address?”
“______”
“Is it for a new problem?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, you’ll need to see Dr. _________ on Thursday” (She said it in a horrible accent, so I don’t actually know which Doctor I’m seeing. It’ll tell me when I sign in. Hopefully.)
“Okay.”
More silence.
Me: “Erm…so what sort of time?”
“11.10″
“Okay, thank you.”
And then she hung up.
So yeh, part of my reason that I don’t like Doctors is that their receptionists suck. Another reason is that they expect us to talk to them about whatever our problem is, without any limitations. I don’t like talking about how I’m feeling; How am I supposed to talk to a complete stranger about it?
Anyway, that’s my complaining about it done. Now I’ve just got to wait for my appointment and hope it isn’t as bad as I’m expecting it to be.
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Tags: complaining, conversation, dislikes, doctors, locals
Important Dates
I’ve got a lot coming up in the next couple of months. Yey?
May
8th – English Coursework deadline
20th – English Literature exam
21st – Physics: Mechanics & Physics; Electrons, Waves and Photons exam + Drama moderation
25th – 30th – Holiday
June
1st – Back to school
3rd – Drama exam
8th – History Unit 2 Exam
July
4th & 5th – Les Mis
6th-12th – Minneapolis people here
20th-24th – Sicily
+ Importance of Being Ernest performances
August
20th-31st – In Minneapolis
And in amongst all that I have several rehearsals, Brownies, revision and normal work to do. Plus I’ve got to book my driving exam at some point, and do fundraising for Minneapolis. So yeh, apologies if I’m absent for quite some time now.
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Tags: absent, apologies, hiatus, schedule
Puzzle Pirates
I actually hate this game…’cause it’s so damn addicting! And I always seem to remember about it a couple of weeks before my exams, when I really need to be revising.
It’s gotten worse since Sea Monster Hunts started, because it’s started to take up a lot more of my time, and I’ve been getting more money. More money has resulted in my starting my own crew and buying two ships, which anyone who plays the game knows that it takes up a lot of time, that I really don’t have.
Still, I love the game. I have a bit of an obsession with pirates (both fictional and real) and puzzles keep me thinking, so it’s quite good. I’ve been playing for about three years, so whilst I’m not an ‘expert,’ I know enough to get by. And it’s a nice distraction when I need one (I just need to work on my time management.)
(If anyone’s interested, I’m Briallen on Sage Ocean. Feel free to add me as a hearty and/or join my crew. I’ll warn you now though, it’s not too great at the minute. I’m working on it though.)
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Tags: distractions, fun stuff, Games, pirates, puzzle pirates
Doctor Who Tonight – SPOILERS
I’m sure I’ll write a proper analysis in the morning, but whilst this idea is going round in my head.
“It is returning….He will knock four times.”
It is obvious this is talking about the next big baddie in Doctor Who, and because of such, everyone has gone into overdrive looking for the answers.
The obvious answer is the Master. Doesn’t get much bigger or badder than that. The four knocks could very easily apply to the drumming that the Master heard last time he appeared, and the signal he went out. However, there are a few problems with this:
- The Master isn’t an “It,” he’s a he. Why would they start referring to him as such?
- The pattern that the Master uses is four knocks long, but is continually repeated until it’s interrupted. Thus, making it technically longer than four.
- The Master was killed. And whilst this doesn’t mean he will never return, he is a Time Lord after all, the current production team have said they aren’t going to bring him back. (Although the BBC/Doctor Who crew aren’t the most honest people in the business, so to be perfectly honest I do still think this is possible.)
Anyway…I was thinking about it this evening as I watched Midnight (due to my slight obsession with Colin Morgan) and then I remembered – When the monster is outside, it knocks on the wall. First twice, then three times when copying Jethro’s dad, and then four times when copying the Doctor.
It is never revealed what this monster is, nor is it confirmed that it is dead at the end. It’s simply assumed it is, because it’s physical form is gone. But it didn’t have a physical form before hand, so why would it need one afterwards. All that is really known about it is that if the Doctor is that scared of it, it must really be something.
There was a subtle reference to Midnight towards the beginning, about the bus of people automatically accusing the Doctor. Could this have been Davies’ way of reminding us about it, so we have a chance of working it out? I have no idea. There’s so many flaws in all the ideas at the moment to come up with a proper answer.
And now, to bed.
Filed under: Doctor Who, TV | 1 Comment
